I love you!

when do you stop calling it chasing your dreams and start calling it wasting your time? i never know when to give up.

my confidence is on the incline.

i saw metallica last night. this was the set list.


That Was Just Your Life
The End Of The Line
Harvester Of Sorrow
Through The Never
One
Broken, Beat And Scarred
Cyanide
Sad But True
Sanitarium
All Nightmare Long
The Day That Never Comes
Master Of Puppets
Battery
Nothing Else Matters
Enter Sandman

ENCORES-
The Wait (Killing Joke cover)
Trapped Under Ice
Seek and Destroy

so today i was at work at the mall. dan and i were standing there and these two thug-life dudes walked by. one of them kind of slowed down and looked at us as if he was going to say something to us. the other one said to his friend "..those cracker ass white boys ain't gonna hire you" and they both continued on walking.

LOLZ!!1






L00000LLLZsZsZ!111111111111

miraculously, after being on tour for a week and eating like shit, i weigh three pounds less than i did when i left for tour. yeah dog!

i've been on tour since this past friday. its had its share of ups and downs. we've had van problems nearly every day. i think we've spent close to $500 on repairs/towing bills and the first van (which we had towed from sarasota to fort myers on day one) is going to require another $200 in repairs. its getting ridiculous. we have played five shows so far (columbus, ga / atlanta, ga / birmingham, al / jackson, ms / new orleans, la), and have only made money from the door at one show. we've made a few bucks on merch; but all together we haven't made enough to pay ourselves back for half of the gas, let alone the repairs. its just kind of a bummer since our last tour went so well. i guess i didn't realize how lucky we were last time.
the turnouts at the shows haven't been so great either. most shows have had a crowd of about 0-8 people. promoting shows in towns in different states can be so difficult. new orleans last night was the exception.. about 30 people were there and we made 60 bucks.
i'm still glad to be on the road though. as much of a bummer as it has been, i'm making the most of it and enjoying my time away from home and work. i do really want to sleep in my own bed, but i can deal for a few more days.

i feel like i really need to get back to the gym. i do get some exercise walking around and playing shows, but eating healthy on tour is so hard.

its funny how being around people constantly for days at a time makes me remember how much i tend to enjoy my privacy and alone time. its like a meditation thing or something.

i'm bad at operating laptops!

life is going pretty well. i go on tour again in about a week and a half. i'm a bit worried that we'll not have enough money for gas in the "band funds" and have to tap into our own pockets. i think overall it should be a good time though. and at least this time we'll know not to bring 8 billion backup guitars and two large boxes of merch; therefore having more room in the van.
anyway, i've been staying busy with work and going to the gym in addition to band things. i feel like i'm not as social as i used to be.. but then again, i think my level of desire to be social goes in cycles. i guess maybe that'll change sometime soon. i'd like to meet a lady friend perhaps. but we'll see i suppose.
speaking of the gym, i've lost about 25 pounds since i started about two months ago. i feel like thats pretty good progress; maybe a little too good. yet somehow i feel myself getting kind of impatient. i just have to remember shit takes time.
i want to start something new musically. i'm kind of thinking an instrumental project. maybe just a recording thing... or maybe a band that does shows and stuff. i don't have a lot of spare time, but i'm hoping i can get with some people and try to fit it in.
football season is coming up and i'm stoked!
i need to get a new computer moniter. this one is crapping out on me.

tour is pretty fun so far. hung out in gainesville and st. augustine the past two days and today we're heading to charlotte, nc today. we're sharing a 15 passenger van with the random notes of decay, and even with sharing equipment, the van is super packed. shit is still fun though. and it seems that we're doing okay on money too.

yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh you know

hi

i am thankful that i'm pretty good at spelling.

i lost six pounds this week.

yesterday i saw a young pregnant woman wearing a shirt that said "i'm not fat... i'm knocked up!"

that makes reason number 156481851654651 why i hate most of the people on this planet.

-i've been going to the gym almost every day for two weeks.
-i've been eating better.
-i'm finding it easy to not drink soda.
-today is the five year anniversary of my high school graduation.
-i've been working a lot.
-i'm going on tour(s) soon.
-i wish my days off were more productive.
-i want to do new things musically.
-i want to buy new musical instruments.
-my band has gotten the cops called the past few practices and it pisses me off.
-the protein shake i made tonight sucks.
-i want to go to michigan this year.
-i should get some new hobbies.
-i recently discovered sudoku and it is pretty fun.
-i like my imagination.
-i should pick up the 22 empty water bottles i have laying around my room.
-i want to get back in the habit of folding my laundry because the detergent smell stays in the longer that way.
-i wish size 15EEEE shoes were easier to find.
-i got a violin from my brother for christmas last year. i feel bad that i never play it.
-i'd like to meet a girl and get to know her. not a stupid bitchy girl though... a cool one.
-i need to fix the power steering in my car.
-i also need to get new tires on my car.
-i also need to change my oil.
-i also need to fix the windshield wipers on my car.
-i should think less about the past and more about the future.
-i think this entry is silly.

man, thinking about the past can really bum me out.

i just did a 12 game parlay for the ncaa tournament
risking $3 to win $7060.84

;)

my band just released an album
listen to it here:
http://letsgoexploring.bandcamp.com/album/do-work

hello tax return and two paychecks all on one day!

i went to the bucs game today


too bad they lost horribly to the chargers 41-24

:(


they still have a shot at the playoffs though!

the topic of gift cards has come up quite frequently in conversation among my friends and i. i personally think overall they are a lame gift. i know that makes me sound like an asshole, but here is my explanation.

to me, a gift is something that a person gets for another person that should have some type of meaning or thought put into it. like, it should be something that is specific for that particular person. it should not matter if you spend 5 dollars or 500 dollars. if you receive a gift, you shouldn't be thinking about how much its worth monetarily, but more about the fact that someone got you a "gift" (which i defined as something that has meaning or specific thought put into it).

the argument that has been directed toward my view on this is that if someone thought of you enough to get you something; you shouldn't care if its a gift card or not.
don't get me wrong..i truly do appreciate the gesture when someone gets me a gift card. however, if they resorted to getting a gift card, to me it seems like they couldn't think of anything else to get. if thats the case, don't get me anything! and if you don't know me well enough to think of a thoughtful gift for me, don't get my anything. gift-giving is not an obligation, although i and everyone else knows it certainly feels like it is.

i think gift cards do have a purpose. if it is intended for something that is specific to you, but it is not feasible to wrap up in a box, then a gift card is appropriate. if its intended for something specific to you, but that person wants you to be go to the store to approve before you bring it home, a gift card is appropriate. if its a gift from your job, a gift card is certainly appropriate.

if anyone intended on getting me a gift card this year, i will feel like a huge asshole.

if you have a christmas wreath on the front of your car please do the world a favor and shoot yourself.

a lot of times i feel like i cant talk to people about things.

i feel like something is missing.

i feel my love for music slipping away from me
and it makes me feel kind of lost

man, expectations are fucked up.

the older i get, and more times i get my heart broken, the more i don't want to ever develop friendships with girls again.